Tainted love

We've all got out own levels of acceptance haven't we?

Things we like, things we put up with and things we really won't tolerate.

There's the big no tolerance ones: racism, sexism, ignorance, Donald Trump. 

The lower level annoyances: knives in the fork drawer, toilet rolls hung the wrong way (it's OVER people, not under) and anyone who doesn't read fiction.

Then there's the list of things we just put up with. For me that includes laptop updates, cat hair in my tea and, well, hugs.

I know, don't hate me. I just have issues with personal space and have done since I was a child – my mum tells me I used to go rigid and look desperately uncomfortable from the age of two if anyone tried for a hug. I just wasn't having it.

So you can only imagine how thrilled I was, way back in my new-to-this-disease reading, to discover that there was a thing called the MS hug.

I know, just perfect.

The hug – not as pleasant as it sounds* – is a very tight feeling, usually around the chest, making it seem difficult to breathe.

It's a sensation best expressed by (of course) JK Rowling as she describes Harry Potter learning to Disapparate: "At once, there was that horrible sensation that he was being squeezed through a thick rubber tube, he could not draw breath, every part of him was being compressed almost past endurance."

The perfect comparison. Because the MS hug really can squeeze you. Very, very hard. And not let go any time soon. From a hug-avoiders point of view, this is obviously unacceptable.

The hug is actually due to spasms in the intercostal muscles between the ribs. There may also be feelings of aching, stabbing, crawling or pins and needles. All painful. And as with most things in MS, all due to nerve damage.

My first experience of the MS hug has actually turned out to be my constant one. It appeared during the relapse I experienced three months after having my daughter. It was so painful in the early days, I was sure there was something wrong with my heart.

Over the past ten years it has faded to a constant dull ache, appearing mainly on my left side; present every day but some days worse than others.

There are meds available to help this kind of nerve pain, but they are on the list of things my body just won't tolerate, so instead I have learned to put up with it.

This is one hug I just can't seem to keep at arm's length.

:: Tainted love by Soft Cell

* assuming you like hugs.