That's what we can do

I haven't mentioned my work for a little while. I think it's because I've been too taken up with my recent/lingering relapse and all its varying sensory delights.

But as I am (hopefully) coming out the other end of this one - hug has gone, sensation is almost back to what passes for normal for me, I just need my hands to start fully cooperating again - it's time for a work update.

I am currently self-employed and am working on two different projects for two different organisations. They are both very interesting.

It's not been easy carrying on working during the relapse. If I were an employee I would most likely have taken some sick leave, but I work for myself so if I don't work I don't get paid.*

Not ideal for someone with a chronic illness obviously and something I'm going to have to really consider as and when these projects come to an end.

But today I am working. I am travelling down to London for a few days for one organisation, having been at my other one on Monday. The juggling aspect of this appeals to my brain and makes me feel like I'm doing my bit to keep it active and engaged.

But the effort is taken to keep on going during this relapse has been incredible and looking back now, I'm not quite sure how I've managed it.

I think it's because I'm a) ludicrously proud, b) ridiculously stubborn and c) it's my choice - something which is really, really important when living with a disease which can strip you of them.

Work is important to me and I'm lucky that I'm currently in a position with my health where I can still choose to do it. I am aware that this may not always be the case.

I know a number of people with MS who are not currently working and who warn me that I shouldn't I tie my self-esteem up with my job.

They are absolutely right, of course and there have been times over the past few weeks where I have really struggled with what I've chosen to do.

But I've gritted my teeth and - against all reason and good sense - carried on. Because it's my choice and I'm just not ready to choose to stop quite yet.

:: That's what we can do by Deacon Blue

*I could apply for Employment Support Allowance, but the thought of the forms just makes me want to cry.