A mixtape for multiple sclerosis

A mixtape for multiple sclerosis

Thursday 27 February 2020

Always on my mind

I've had 16 years of MS and for quite a lot of that time I have just bimbled on alongside it - knowing it's there but not really paying it a lot of attention.

Obviously over that time there have been a number of occasions where it's made its presence known in no uncertain terms - during relapses, obviously, when making work and family decisions, clearly.

But for the most part it's just there. Like a big lumbering lump in the background.

However, in the past few weeks, it has really become front and centre almost all of the time.

I'm thinking about it a lot - probably because my pre-Christmas relapse just isn't clearing and I find that I'm struggling against my body most of the time.

My hands are really, really bad - upsetting for both practical and emotional reasons.
The MS hug just will not go.
My fatigue is quite obvious and I spend a lot of my days in a zombie-like state.

Previously, once relapses have started to clear and I get back to a reasonable level of normal, I wonder how I managed to get through that relapse.
This time I'm wondering how I'm doing it at the end of every day.

It's possibly because I've had two relapses hot on the heels of each other, it's possibly because I'm over the 15-year mark, it's probable because I've got to choose new meds and it's also quite possibly because I'm coming up to my 44th birthday.

But at the moment, MS is taking over my thoughts in a way that I really wish it wasn't.

I'm trying to distract myself, I'm trying to think sensibly and I'm even trying to find the funny side (see below pictures) but it's currently more of a struggle than it ever has been. And I'm hoping to find a way to deal with that.


A little Shrove Tuesday game: Pancake or MRI scan?



:: Always on my mind by Pet Shop Boys

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