My silver lining

I'm having one of those horrible periods of worrying about a work thing.

Made somehow worse because I'm actually on leave this week and I'd really been looking forward to the break after being unwell with UTI-Covid-jab-reaction-shingles triple whammy.

But instead, I'm worrying.

I can quite easily get suckered down a wormhole of worry when it comes to work, despite my husband patiently talking me through why I perhaps don't need to.

But worry I do. I always have.

And I worry about work in a way that I don't when it comes to MS.

I will obsess about work - should I have done this, should I not have done that. What impact will my decisions have, what reaction will it cause. What if, what if, what if.

I obsess much less about MS.

I have often pondered about this difference - after all, of the two, it's MS that's with me longer and will hit me harder.

Perhaps that's the crux of it, perhaps it's almost too big to deal with and so out of my control, that worrying seems almost pointless.

I don't know. Perhaps the worrying about work is actually a really helpful distraction from the worrying about a cruel and relentless disease from which there is currently no escape.

Ugh.

So when put like that, perhaps I should view this current work worry as actually a (still quite rubbish) type of shiny silver lining, deflecting my attention from what is actually the much bigger issue.

:: My silver lining by First Aid Kit