A mixtape for multiple sclerosis

A mixtape for multiple sclerosis

Thursday 17 March 2022

Good fortune

I'm suspicious.

And also superstitious.

Things have been quiet health-wise for a bit.

Well, I say quiet, there's been Covid and three bouts of shingles and general pain and exhaustion.

But there hasn't been massive MS hits.

Why? Why is this? Is it Cladribine, is it a naturally quiet period, is it that I'm ending distinct relapses and just slowly tipping into secondary progression?

It's unnerving.

You'd think it would be a good thing, wouldn't you? An appreciate the moment and be grateful thing.

And I am trying - trying really hard to appreciate and I am desperately grateful. But I can't shake the suspicion.

And I can't shake the superstition that writing about being reasonably ok will cause a massive backlash.

Not logical, not healthy and not really a sustainable way of looking at things.

I'm sure there's a psychological term for this and it's bound to be tied up with anxiety on some level, because many things are.

The only thing to help, it would seem, is remembering that I'm having my bloods taken next week to see just how much damage Cladribine has done to my immune system.

Fully anticipating negative news.

And oddly, that feels so reassuringly familiar it's almost positive.


:: Good fortune by PJ Harvey




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