Shake it out

I'm reasonably competent. At least, most of the time.

I can function fairly well in company, I can generally navigate the supermarket (even if they INSIST on moving the yoghurts every time I visit) and I can sometimes get a couple of the answers on BBC 2's boffin-fest Only Connect and then feel super smug for the rest of the evening.

But I'm not sure if I'm quite as with-it as I was when I passed my degree, or when my brain worked on super-speed as a reporter filing court copy up against deadline, or if I'm even simply as mentally able as I was a year or so ago.

Because a nosedive in cognitive function is just one of the many distressing aspects of life with MS and a lot of people experience frightening and frustrating impacts on learning and memory, attention, concentration and mental speed, problem solving and word finding.

So, pretty much everything it takes to get through the day.

Issues are, like most things MS-ey, generally caused by inflammation and lesions in the brain interrupting the transmission of electrical messages along nerve fibres, reducing the speed and accuracy of the information.

My word-finding and mental speed are noticeably worse when I'm tired, have been concentrating for long stretches of time, if I'm surrounded by a lot of noise or after being particularly physically active. 

They're also a bit rubbish if I'm particularly emotional - so any complex problem solving in the run-up to my period is an absolute no-go. 

This cognitive carnage is (literally) on my mind at the moment as I have been offered an unexpected work opportunity which I really should take. I'm lucky enough to be freelancing for one organisation at the moment, this is a chance to pick up some work at another.

But what scares me is whether I am still as able as I was 15 years ago before MS introduced its roadblocks in my brain.

Can my beleaguered Numskulls still find their way around the disrupted neural pathways to make me any kind of decent prospect?

I don't know. I can only hope. I have a meeting about it tomorrow. Everything crossed that I don't say anything stupid/inappropriate/clueless/garbled or simply just forget my own name or why I'm there.

* There is some really useful information about cognitive difficulties along with explanations, support and coping strategies in this online resource from the MS Trust

:: Shake it out by Florence + The Machine