Words

I love words. Just love them.

I did an English degree, I trained as a journalist, I read voraciously. I love language. In moments of stress I love bad language. The more creative, the better.

When I discovered why my body was packing up, I also entered into a brand new world of language. Words like oligoclonal bands, myelin sheath and optic neuritis were both hugely frightening and delightfully musical.

And – in the manner of Carrie Bradshaw – this got me wondering about language and MS.

More specifically, the way people describe the MS community and disabilities in general.

There’s the nicer-sounding words people use while hoping they are saying the right thing. Words like “brave,” “inspirational,” or “warrior.”

They're usually from a good place but can sometimes make me feel like I need to live up to a person I'm just not.

However, they’re a heck of a lot better than “sufferer", "unfortunate” or "invalid." Think about that: literally, not valid.

And, depending on the attitude of the speaker, these are the words that can cause an unintentional drip-drip of damage to your self-esteem or be blatantly slap-in-the-face offensive.

I’ve been lucky, I haven’t been exposed to a lot of language-related nastiness. But there has been one comment that has stuck with me. 

A former colleague once asked me if I was going to have a flu jab. It was autumn time, I heard no warning bells go off, it seemed a perfectly reasonable enquiry. I said I was and received the response: “Oh yes, they give them to your lot don’t they.”

"Your lot." 

Two little words. Just seven small letters implying that I wasn’t with the ‘us,’ that I was somehow different, unusual, exclusive – and not in a good way. 

Not just that, but as if there was some marauding and diseased horde of ‘your lot’ ganging up on the normal, decent, respectable people.

It was a Daily Mail-esque description and made it very clear the damage words can do.

Sometimes poor word choice comes from a lack of understanding, sometimes it's simply a fear of what to say for the best.

But a conscious choice of hurtful words indicates a divisive and dangerous attitude that does nobody any good. After all, if there's one thing we don't need more of, it's division.

So in the way we talk about disability, as well as how we refer to other things in life, we would all do well to mind our language.

:: Words by The BeeGees

These handy guides to inclusive communication have been produced by the Government - it’s almost like they care. 

Mr Brightside

Perspective. Comparisons. Sliding scales.

They’re all interesting phrases when applied to the way you view things – wealth, achievements, career, family, life. Illness.

Like a number of chronic diseases, the perceived seriousness of MS sits on shifting sands depending on who you speak to.

Perhaps you’ve dealt with reactions from people at the oh-it’s-not-so-bad end of the scale. They’ve seen someone being amazing on the Paralympics with it. Or know a friend’s mum who has had it for 25 years and still doesn’t need a walking stick. Perhaps they know someone who works fulltime and goes to the gym every other day?

On the other hand, perhaps they’re at the other end of the scale and they’ve got a pretty bleak outlook for you. Maybe they’ve cared for someone with the primary progressive form? Watched someone deteriorate before their eyes? Seen someone in the end stages of MS?

It’s entirely possible you’ve dealt with these – and many opinions in between – from the medical community.

During the summer I saw a gp I don’t normally see. He asked how I was generally and we had a general chat about MS and recent research.

He concluded by saying it would be good for his newly-diagnosed patients to see me still working and with a family.

“Because really, for you, it’s just an inconvenience,” he finished. With a reassuring smile, believing he’d said the right thing.

And, if I take a deep breath to calm down and think about that proclamation, then to some degree he was right. I’m currently not hugely debilitated. I still work, drive and most of the time I appear to function like everyone else.

To a gp, who is bound to come across far more aggressive cases, he may well believe he could describe my MS as ‘an inconvenience’ and there’s a little bit of me that sort of accepts that.

But to me an inconvenience means a flat tyre or the radiators needing bleeding or running out of teabags.

It does not mean slipping down the workforce ladder because I know I couldn’t manage it or missing most of the things healthy people take for granted or making the painful decision to not extend our family.

None of these things would I describe as ‘an inconvenience.’

So while I do recognise that I am somewhere in the middle of the health-death track bar, I think we would all like recognition of our own personal scales and a bit more consideration of what might actually count as our inconvenience.

:: Mr Brightside by The Killers