Don't give up

When I was first diagnosed I set myself a personal coping time frame.

After the initial relapse, the shock of diagnosis and the subsequent settling period, my aim was to get through the first five years.

I don't know why I felt the need to set myself this limit, it wasn't as if MS was going to suddenly decide to quietly pack up and go away as soon as five years had elapsed.

And I don't know why I picked that arbitrary stretch. Maybe I'd read something about prognosis milestones which made me focus on that as a number. Whereas the benefit of actually having had MS for this length of time means you learn to focus more on the moments than the months.

But five years it was, and I made it through those years relatively unscathed.

So the next aim was 10.
And I made it - although with much more damage.

This weekend I hit 15 years.
And I made it - increasingly altered.

Fifteen years is a long time when you think about it isn't it? It's quite some time to be living with a disease that you did nothing to invite in. Fifteen years to live with uncertainty, change, deterioration and complete exhaustion.

It's an achievement of sorts though and I almost want to organise a bit of a bash. I won't of course, I'm not sure you can get MS party bags.

But I do feel there needs to be some sort of celebration of the past decade and a half.

Even if it's just a recognition of sheer bloody-mindedness, punctuated by periods of unexpected strength and bouts of utter gratefulness all wrapped up with the love and support of family and friends.

:: Don't give up by Peter Gabriel, ft Kate Bush